We want pre-nups! (yeah!)

Had to spend a good 10 minutes nosing around trying to figure out if Peoria has any pop radio stations online. Answer: no. Was a little worried Kiss FM in Chicago would be boring and checked out their L.A.-sister station; it's all samey-same anyways. It's cool, just need some practice anyways.

Rihanna "Pon de Replay": Replay is right. There's a lot going on while maintaining an open-air, out of doors feel. Hoola skirts and firetasters not included. Light and dissolveable like homespun cotton candy. What else hasn't been said about this?

D.H.T. "Listen to Your Heart": Hasn't this awkward slow dance ended yet, talent show run out of braces-wielding contestants? Is the radio dictated by budding 12 year old girls or uptight execs? Love, love, LOVE to see a bunch of suits huddled around a single mic belting this out at Karaoke Night. Then to slap them with a mallard duck.

Jagged Edge "Where the Party At?": Can we just have more of that twibbling guitar? The tightly-drawn rubbaband is sharp in the nicest way. Same with that piano bridge, all hot Miami nights on ya. Fuckin' shame this was four years ago.

Mariah Carey "Shake It Off": I blame "Diddy" and R.Kelly for this. Carey finally sings hard enough to surpass a whisper and she's on this half-assed stutter step beat. The rap singing is so Kels too, so effortless. Doesn't anyone feel inclined to try their own way of singing? Subjecting people to this zzzzflow is akin to your great aunt's stories about her cats.

Snoop Dogg ft. Pharrell "Drop It Like It's Hot": At least Snoop's last relevant single is still relevant, if a little stale. Stale might not be the word; no, it's worn out. Even the greatest pair of socks in the world gets a little thin after repeated wears.

Fall Out Boy "Sugar, We're Going Down": So nice to see locals making good. Production is steak thick! Their last record was so much thinner and even; this one makes you wait a bit longer for the goods. Easily my favorite radio single of the moment. Shame I'll miss their VMA performance.

Lifehouse "You and Me": If "You and Me" was written by aging hair-metalers I would be all over this. The writing is so over the top bad, so "written for your gf's birthday" that it needs a cloud of hairspray to keep from breaking down. Lifehouse will be the band whose album you'll never be able to sell.


Frankie J. "How to Deal": Wait, dude dumped his lady for his career? How that works, I don't even care to know. Ho hum, ho hum. Usher's billionaire ass is laughing rill hard, possibly stroking a crown. "R&B is mine, you fools!"

Random thought: If The Game was the stripper, why is it 50 that spends all of his time sexin' up the singles? Oh right, shot in the face. Moving on.


Natasha Bedingfield "These Words": Under a different sonic roof she could do something worthwhile, a little less "I'm drunk and singing in the shower." Perhaps she already has. I should really ask the bf if he's heard any of this lady's other tracks.

Weezer "Beverly Hills": This is what the aging Weezer fans waited for? Rivers has all but forgotten how to write lyrics. I know he's all formula these days but shit, shouldn't the narrative voice figure into there somehow. It's so unattractive to hear him bitching; he's rich, and if he's unable to seduce the Asian naughties he wants he should save it for his Myspace blog.

Daddy Yankee "Gasolina": Reggaeton crunk is sort of terrifying. 24 constant hours of loud as shit partying. Lil' Jon is so totally bopping around like a muppet on Adderall all over this track. "Skeet skeet skeet!" What's the basis? No one else can talk about jizzing all over. Didn't he make a porno too? Should look out for that one.

Hitting the showers after that mental image.