Here baby, hold my jacket (and then) 1-2 p.m.

Who wants to count us in?

The Click Five "Just the Girl": There was this band called The Adventures of Jet that I used to listen to all the time in high school. The Click Five would be the bittersweet lovechild of them and that "Teenage Dirtbag" band Wheatus. The DJ introduced the song saying it was written by a dude from Fountains of Wayne, which explains why -- despite being utterly soulless -- the tune is infectious. I hope this causes a bunch of bands to name themselves stuff like The Dick Clark 5 but with sponsors. "That song was 'Ooh, Refreshing!' by The Pepsi Cinco!"

The Pussycat Dolls "Don't Cha": Ah, this is the second time this'n has been the second song to be played. Contractually obliged? Nahh. This second spin has aimed my attention on the background (not the Cee-Lo vox), especially the slinky yet punchy horn hits that follow each run through the chorus. If they weren't so far in the back I'd say they were out of place in the best way possible. Like, "Oh shit, this song has a surprising redeeming quality!"

Lifehouse "You and Me": Who knew this band would ever make a comeback? Jesus, this sounds like Creed covering the Goo Goo Dolls. You would think that being way out of the public eye would give you a chance to write (or have someone write) something decent or mildly original. Another tune that gives me the mental image of 16 year olds groping "innocently" in a school auditorium. Oh shit, this is the new "The Reason"!

Nivea "Dont Mess With My Man": I don't see any dude credited on this track, but it seems like he's taking care of most of the singing. Poor session musicians. This cover makes me think this might be that Raven girl:

In other news, this could be a lesser P.Diddy track. Same half-stuttering, half blippy drivel. Huh; the song just ended and I've already forgotten what it sounds like.

Fat Joe & Nelly "Get It Poppin'": Contains one of the most obvious misogynist oral sex suggestion I've heard in some time: " I know you like it / It's written all ova your face, don't fight it / You like it / More than I like it / So put it all ova your face don't bite it." Sleezy! I think Fat Joe sez this is a Scott Storch joint, but it's rather sub-par. I wouldn't be surprised if this started off as a ringtone first.

Papa Roach "Scars": Another band that mercifully slunk off into the background. Why do they sound like Simple Plan? I mean yeah, nu metal is hardly an avenue still worth driving on, but shitty pop punk is hardly a step up. Now they're like The Used lite. Ooh, that bridge is actually sort of nice. Singer with the crazy name actually does a nice job with the softball vocal line the producers threw to him. That's about the nicest thing I can come up with about this.

Alicia Keys "Karma": G'damn! That violin line is both stellar and prominently featured! Good drum production too, if only for the live-sounding qualities. Keys is pretty unremarkable, even though the darker track is sort of a rarity for her. According to the KissFM website, this'n is off the German bonus disc. How did it make it on air?

Ludacris & Bobby Valentine "Pimpin' All Over the World": Those are the livest handclaps I've ever heard! Were they recorded in a stairwell? Ugh, this chorus is horrible. It's like someone Googled "pimping" and wrote down the first 15 things as lyrics. Pretty weak for Ludacris, lacking any humor, skill, or anything else that's made him a worthwhile MC. His whole new album is a disappointment.

Kelly Clarkson "Behind These Hazel Eyes": At the end of the chorus they do this weird octaves part that is usually reserved for the end of songs. I can't remember what they do at the end instead. Ok, they just do the same thing except with more of Clarkson flying all over the register. Could've done way better.

Shakira "La Tortura": I wish they would credit the band she's singing over. Her voice is unnaturally low on this one; I nearly confused her for a dude. A little bit surprised something this "ethnic" flies on national radio, but considering the growing popularity of Hispanic music I guess I shouldn't be. Still strikes me as risky to drop an all Spanish single.

Snoop Dogg & Pharrell "Drop It Like It's Hot": What hasn't been said about this? I still think Pharrell's lines overshadow Snoop by miles. Poor ol' Dogg hasn't said anything worthwhile on a track in years. Reppin' the Crips, though? A1.

D.H.T. "Listen To Your Heart": This song still sucks mightily (fuck you, vague and ambiguous sappy lyrics; you are the problem, not the solution!), so I'm just going to make up what D.H.T. stands for: Dumb Hot Tits, Dead Heart Transplant, Dearth (of) Horrible Trash, Dudes Hurt Tramps, Damn (I) Hate This.

50 Cent "Disco Inferno": I'd be pretty interested to watch 50 listen to the British Disco Inferno. My god, he's just as bad as The Game at recycling other people's lyrics. This is like a primer to the last year of singles. You've got references to Lil' Jon, "Lean Back" and a bunch of other shit hardly worth mentioning. Since dude's made his career of bragging about his bullet wounds, I wish he would do as Jadakiss suggested and take bullets.

Black Eyed Peas "Don't Phunk With My Heart": I wonder what snapped in Will.i.am's head that he decided to ditch decency for dollar signs. I mean, being under appreciated is no fun, but when you resort to writing lines like "if you smoke I'll smoke too, that's how much I'm in love with you"? Bye bye, artistic cred. The only worthwhile section is the brief, Fergie-song bridge, and only because it's impossible to tell it's her.

My tank's outta gas. I'll be back with more later today (have to take tomorrow off).